Friday, April 28, 2006

Strange Laws

1 comment:
There are men in Guam whose full-time job it is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Why? Under the law in Guam, it is forbidden for virgins to marry. (Heck of a job huh?)

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Riskey Whiskey

No comments:
A guy in a bar approaches an attractive woman and asks, “Can I buy you a whiskey?”

She thinks for a second and answers, “No, you can’t. Whiskey is bad for my legs.”

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Words to Live By

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If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Heaven or Hell

No comments:
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Obsessions

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Dr. Phil was conducting a therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. “You all have obsessions,” he observed.

To the first mother he said, “You are so obsessed with eating you’ve even named your daughter Candy.”

Monday, April 17, 2006

The Gynecologist

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A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist.

“Come now,” coaxed the doctor, “you’ve been seeing me for years! There’s nothing you can’t tell me.”

“This one’s kind of strange…”

Sunday, April 16, 2006

The News Anchor

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This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don’t get any… true story…

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Condom Lesson

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A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display.

Boy: “Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?”

Dad: “Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights.”

Friday, April 14, 2006

How Many?

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Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Or three. One to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Things Not To Say

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I hope you’re as good looking when I’m sober.

I really hate women who actually think sex means something.

You woke me up for that?

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Sayings...

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There are many ways to say “I love you,” but sex is the fastest.

Feminist chicks dig me.

I just got back from a testicle convention. I had a ball.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Strange Laws

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The Romans would crush a first-time rapist’s gonads between two stones.

In China, women are prohibited from walking around a hotel room in the nude. A woman may be naked only while in the bathroom.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Strange Laws

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In London, it’s illegal to have sex on a parked motorcycle.

There is, in fact, an Illinois law that prohibits a number of things—one of which is a public erection, another is nude dancing. The prohibition against the public erection has never been challenged in the Supreme Court, but the prohibition against nude dancing has.

Sunday, April 9, 2006

Strange Laws

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In Tibet, many years ago, the law required all women prostitute themselves. This was seen as a way to gain sexual experience prior to marriage.

“Female breasts,” according to the Arizona Supreme Court, don’t constitute“private parts” under state law.

Saturday, April 8, 2006

Strange Laws

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Up until 1884, a woman could be sent to prison for denying a husband sex.

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception, prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only “in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.”

Friday, April 7, 2006

Strange Laws

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As recently as 1990, these states had laws against the use of dildos: Idaho, Utah, Arizona, Oklahoma, Minnesota, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, Massachusetts, Rhode Island and Washington D.C.

In Minnesota, it is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse with a live fish.

Thursday, April 6, 2006

The Eggs

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A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen. “Careful … CAREFUL!! Put in some more butter!!

Oh my Gosh!! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!! Turn them!! TURN THEM NOW!!

Wednesday, April 5, 2006

Tax Return

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A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says: “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask you a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc, and then asks, “What is your occupation?”

I’m a prostitute,” she says.

Tuesday, April 4, 2006

Blue Ball Machine

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Although not a game, this is just too much fun not to share. File this one under "art."

Behold the magic of the Blue Ball Machine. Watch the tiny blue balls make their way around the huge machine. And the music that goes along with it is perfect. Rube Goldberg would be very pleased. I could watch it for hours.

Monday, April 3, 2006

Baby Planes

1 comment:
A mother and her son were flying on Southwest Airlines. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and asked, “If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”

The mother, who couldn’t think of an answer, told her son to ask the stewardess.

Sunday, April 2, 2006

Airline Industry

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Here’s a recent letter to the editor that has suggestions for the failing airline industry that could increase revenues and cut security costs.

Dear Editor:

Saturday, April 1, 2006

Little Johnny

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Little Johnny says, “Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.”

“Well, you’ve done the right thing,” says Mommy.

“But Mommy, I was sitting on Daddy’s lap!”