Tuesday, August 31, 2010

My Best Friend

20 comments:
A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey.

One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him. "Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?"

Monday, August 30, 2010

Answered Prayer

26 comments:
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, “I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn’t know if they could help him.”

Sunday, August 29, 2010

The Missing Hinge

23 comments:
Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing. He asked his wife Mary if she would go to Home Depot and pick up a hinge. Mary agreed to go.

While she was waiting for the manager to finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom faucet. When the manager was finished, Mary asked him, "How much is that faucet?"

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Sex @ 82

22 comments:
I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have sex at 82!

I'm sooooo happy, because I live at unit 77... so it's not far to walk home afterward!

Hat tip: Jeni of Down River Drivel

Friday, August 27, 2010

The Beggar

25 comments:
A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him $10 and that continues for a year. Then suddenly the daily donation changes to $7.50.

“Well,” the beggar thinks, “it’s still better than nothing.”

A year passes in this way until the man’s daily donation suddenly becomes $5.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

This Week in Entrecard

No comments:
This is a great big thank you for last weeks advertisers. For those that I honor each week/month I'm well aware of the dedication you show. In order to stay in the top of the heap you're dropping EC every single day. Many of you have more than one blog and that's 300 drops per day per blog.

Who Is She?

17 comments:
Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Commodore's Picnic

22 comments:
On September 11, 2010 I throw the last party of my Vice Commodore year. The Commodore's Picnic, that honors all the past commodore's and of course the current commodore. Hubby and I spent yesterday afternoon getting tons of supplies. Everything from BBQ briquettes and lighter fluid to beer, soda, water and a very large cart full of other items that are needed. Everything that is needed for this picnic we are responsible for having on hand. We have three really good BBQ'ers that will be doing Tri-Tip and Chicken. All the trimmings of course.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Three Little Pigs

23 comments:
A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home. She read, “…and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'”

Monday, August 23, 2010

Mondays Smile

19 comments:
"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior." - Hippolyte Taine

"No matter how much cats fight, there always seems to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln

Sunday, August 22, 2010

The Fishing Trip

17 comments:
A man called home to his wife and said, 'Darling, I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up.' 'And please pack my new blue silk pajamas.'

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Four Married Guys

14 comments:
Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place:

First guy: You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I would paint every room in the house next weekend.'

Friday, August 20, 2010

Warning...

18 comments:
Due to the frequency of human-bear encounters, the B.C. Fish and Wildlife Branch is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen and any persons that use the out of doors in a recreational or work related function to take extra precautions while in the field.

We advice the outdoorsman to wear little noisy bells on clothing so as to give advance warning to any bears that might be close by so you don't take them by surprise...

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Look For Love

20 comments:
I look in the mirror
Don't like what I see
In my reflection
A stranger is staring at me
Looking for love

 Hubby and I really liked this one. Since we don't have television it's new to us. I'm sure everyone else has seen this long ago. This is just my twisted sense of humor times two.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Ian

16 comments:
Ian was sick and tired of everyone telling him what to do. He decided to take matters into his own hands and the next time anyone tells him what to do he will become a beach bum and move to Roatán. However, before Ian could move he had to quit his job, sell his condo, toss out all his suits and learn how to do metric conversions.

Monday, August 16, 2010

LOFT

25 comments:
Three guys are golfing with the club pro. First guy tees off and hits a dribbler about 60 yards. He turns to the pro and says, "What did I do wrong?"

The pro says, "Loft."

The next guy tees off and hits a duck hook into the woods. He asks the pro "What did I do wrong?"

Sunday, August 15, 2010

The Story Game

15 comments:
It's time to play The Story Game again. Here's how it works. I'll start a story. You continue it in comments. Each commenter picks up where the last left off. In a few days I'll give it an ending and post our story with the links to everyone who participated under the heading, "Contributing Authors". You can play as many times as you want. Thanks for playing along and have a great day.

Here's the beginning of our new story: Ian was sick and tired of everyone telling him what to do. He decided to take matters into his own hands by...

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Comment Game

23 comments:
It's time to play the comment game again. We are at the boat for the weekend (what else is new). Now play nice okay, and have a terrific weekend.

Here's how it goes: I'll start the game off at the bottom of this post by choosing two words or phrases, like coffee or tea, and which ever one you prefer you choose. You can also explain why. When you have done that you do two new words or phrases for the next commenter to choose from. Feel free to come back as often as you like. Just have fun. If someone derails the game will one of you put it back on track? Thanks.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Natures Wonders

21 comments:
A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

This Week in Entrecard

3 comments:
This is a great big thank you for last weeks advertisers. For those that I honor each week/month I'm well aware of the dedication you show. In order to stay in the top of the heap you're dropping EC every single day. Many of you have more than one blog and that's 300 drops per day per blog.

Only in California!

25 comments:
A guy was driving toward Los Angeles from San Diego when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"

"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Caption This Winners

11 comments:
I want to thank everyone that participated in this months 'caption this' contest. I sure have a great time reading all your captions. I loved them all but the three winners made me laugh out loud.

Winners you can pick up your badges at the bottom of this post.

A Real Man

22 comments:
A real man is a woman's best friend. He will never stand her up and never let her down.

He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day.

He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret. He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires.

Monday, August 9, 2010

What Adults Know

21 comments:
Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.

Wrinkles don't hurt.

Families are like fudge -- mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Caption This

31 comments:
Photo captions, also known as cutlines, are a few lines of text used to explain or elaborate on published photographs. In some cases captions and cutlines are distinguished, where the caption is a short (usually one-line) title for the photo, while the cutline are a longer, prose block under the caption, generally describing the photograph, giving context, or relating it to the article.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

What Kids Know

17 comments:
No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..

When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.

If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Ox Bow Cruise Out

18 comments:
Today we back out of the slip and head to Ox Bow Yacht Club for the weekend. Friday night we are having a big Tri-Tip potluck BBQ with all the trimmings and on Saturday morning we are doing a potluck breakfast. We do the very best potlucks around. Do you see a pattern here? Food and more food? Right you are.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

This Week in Entrecard

5 comments:
This is a great big thank you for last weeks advertisers. For those that I honor each week/month I'm well aware of the dedication you show. In order to stay in the top of the heap you're dropping EC every single day. Many of you have more than one blog and that's 300 drops per day per blog.

United We Stand

21 comments:
Friendship Between Women:

A woman didn't come home one night.

The next day she told her husband that she slept over at a friends house.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Commandments

28 comments:
My life is likely to last 10-15 years. Any separation from you is likely to be painful.

Give me time to understand what you want of me.

Place your trust in me. It is crucial for my well-being.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Dumb and Dumber

21 comments:
God speaking to St. Francis:

Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect,no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies honeybees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.

Monday, August 2, 2010

What's Its Name?

22 comments:
This guy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. "But what the heck," he says, "I really want a drink."

When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the customer, "What's the name of your penis?"

The customer says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Blondes

1 comment:
There were two blondes, and they had just came from a store.

The blonde that owned the mustang had locked her keys in the car. She was trying to pick the lock when she stoped to rest for a second.

When she sat down, her friend said, "Hurry up, it's starting to rain and the top's down!"