Thursday, September 30, 2010

Annual Bay Cruise

15 comments:
Today begins our annual bay cruise.

We venture to Pittsburg Municipal Marina today for the first leg of our trip.

Come along and enjoy the sights and sounds of boating on the California Delta.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Typing Paper

22 comments:
A salute to an idiot.

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?'

'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Locked Out

18 comments:
A salute to an idiot!

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.

She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'

Monday, September 27, 2010

ATM

18 comments:
A salute to an idiot!

A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.

When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Wal*Mart

13 comments:
A salute to an idiot!

I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Six, Nine or Twelve

20 comments:
A salute to an idiot!

Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.

I asked for a half dozen nuggets.

Friday, September 24, 2010

15, 15 and 15

6 comments:
I was tagged by Clueless of Clinically Clueless to post fifteen albums that have stuck with me. I thought this would be a fun exercise so here goes.  I'm only going to do albums from the 70s.

Rules: Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen albums you've heard that will always stick with you. List the first fifteen you can recall in no more than fifteen minutes.

HEMA

14 comments:
HEMA is a Dutch department store.
The first store opened on November 4, 1926, in Amsterdam.
Now there are 150 stores all over the Netherlands.
Take a look at HEMA's product page - just wait a couple of seconds and watch what happens.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

The Wasp

16 comments:
A woman was leaning how to play golf. She decided she was going to take lessons. On the first day of learning with the pro, she complained angrily that she had been stung by a wasp.

The golf pro asked her where she got stung and she replied, "Somewhere between the first and second hole."

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Childbirth @ 65

26 comments:
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.

'May I see the new baby?' I asked

'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.'

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

A Senior Moment

23 comments:
The very first "senior moment".

And that's what happened to the dinosaurs!

Hat tip: Babs of Beetle's Memories 'n' Ramblings

Monday, September 20, 2010

The Bacon Tree

21 comments:
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says, "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon."

Sunday, September 19, 2010

I Love the Welsh

19 comments:
On a beautiful summer's day, two American tourists were driving through Wales . They came to a village which had the longest place name in the Northern Hemisphere.

At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyl lllantysiliogogoch they stopped for lunch, and one of the tourists asked the waitress, 'Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?' ...

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Love Letter

18 comments:
My Dearest,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since the 14th of October (Sunday).

With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.

Happy Birthday

5 comments:
Duffy and Georgia are our boat neighbors and very good friends. Duffy's birthday is today and since we'll be out at the island working this Saturday I just wanted to wish Duffy a very happy birthday. Big hug and lotsa lovies.

♫♫Happy Birthday to you,♫♫
♫♫Happy Birthday to you,♫♫
♫♫Happy Birthday Dear Duffy,♫♫
♫♫Happy Birthday to you.♫♫

Friday, September 17, 2010

Words to Live By

21 comments:
* Just accept that, some days, you're the pigeon: and, some days, you're the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

* Always wear stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be "recalled" by their maker.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

The First Thing

20 comments:
I recently asked my friends' little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President of the United States.

Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there so I asked her, "If you were President, what would be the first thing you would do?"

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Hello

25 comments:
Just thought I'd look in on you to see if you're alright!

Yep, you are, AND YOU LOOK BUSY.

Have a nice day.

PS: Your looking good today!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

GYNs Assistant

21 comments:
A young guy goes to the Job Center in Charleston, W. Va., and sees a flyer advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he wants to learn more. "Can you give me some more details?" he asks the clerk.

The clerk pulls up a file ad says, "The job entails getting ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off any hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination. There's an annual salary of $55 thousand, but you're going to have to go to Charlotte, North Carolina. That's about 250 miles from here."

Monday, September 13, 2010

iBoob

21 comments:
Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iBoob will cost from $499 to $699, depending upon cup and speaker size.

The developers are hailing this as a major social breakthrough, because woman are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Will You Marry Me?

20 comments:
Once upon a time a guy asked a girl: "Will you marry me?"

The girl said, "No!"

So the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Never Forget

17 comments:
The September 11 attacks (also referred to as September 11, September 11th, or 9/11 were a series of four coordinated terrorist attacks launched by the Islamic terrorist group al-Qaeda upon the United States in New York City and the Washington, D.C. metropolitan area on Tuesday, September 11, 2001. Source: Wikipedia

Friday, September 10, 2010

Second Chance

30 comments:
A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Hey Cuteness

17 comments:
From one gorgeous gal to another...

Send this to someone gorgeous, but don't send it back to me.

I've been getting this message all freakin' day!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

The Stranger

33 comments:
The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips, she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the corner.

The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach. Locking his steely gray eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his soft murmurs of assurance. He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothly released her from her constraining attire.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Jonah

20 comments:
A pastor was doing his children's sermon with all the youngsters down front to hear the lesson. He was discussing the story of Jonah. He quoted the scriptures from Jonah 1 and 2:

"And the Lord appointed a great fish to swallow up Jonah; and Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights. Then Jonah prayed to the Lord, his God, from the belly of the fish, saying 'I called to the Lord of my distress and He answered me.'...and the Lord spoke to the fish, and it vomited out Jonah upon the dry land" (Jonah 1:17; 2:2, 10).

Monday, September 6, 2010

Happy Labor Day

23 comments:
Labor Day in the United States is a holiday celebrated on the first Monday in September. It is a celebration of the American labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of their country.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Caption This

No comments:
It's the first Sunday of the month and that means it's time for Caption This. Okay, you all know the drill.

Do as many captions as you wish and I'll pick first, second and honorable mention the first part of the week.

Just have a great time.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

$1,000 an Inch

22 comments:
A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."

Friday, September 3, 2010

Spelling Test

22 comments:
Warning - Political Opinion!

The last four letters in American ...
I Can

The last four letters in Republican ...
I Can

Thursday, September 2, 2010

This Week in Entrecard

No comments:
This is a great big thank you for last weeks advertisers. For those that I honor each week/month I'm well aware of the dedication you show. In order to stay in the top of the heap you're dropping EC every single day. Many of you have more than one blog and that's 300 drops per day per blog.

Life Explained

17 comments:
Life is a characteristic that distinguishes objects that have signaling and self-sustaining processes from those that do not, either because such functions have ceased (death), or else because they lack such functions and are classified as inanimate. Biology is the science concerned with the study of life.